Tuesday, December 13, 2011

She Woke up Naked by the Sea


She Woke up Naked by the Sea

She woke up naked by the sea,
to cast her shadow in the water,
gathered small shells for memories,
dreams that led her to the slaughter.

To cast her shadow in the water,
lured by the distant piercing call,
dreams that led her to the slaughter,
lulled by sorrow, drown them all.

Lured by the distant piercing call,
a distant storm, dark clouds descend,
lulled by sorrow, drown them all,
the breath in which her life depends.

A distant storm, dark clouds descend,
oblivion holds no clemency,
the breath in which her life depends,
foreshadowed sense of urgency.

Oblivion holds no clemency,
gathered small shells for memories,
foreshadowed sense of urgency,
she woke up naked by the sea.

(Trying my hand at another Pantoum for dversepoets.com open link night)

17 comments:

  1. oblivion holds no clemency....nice line....nicely done to form....how odd it would be to wake up naked by the sea, also makes for a nice metaphor as well.....

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  2. The lines swirl around each other like tidal waters. A delightful read!

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  3. The pantoum is quite the challenge--a well done one is very effective, as here. Your images repeating each in a slightly different context, only gain from it. I like the formal feel, nice contrast with the very open content.

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  4. Oh, that was fantastic! I feel sea swept like jetsom and flotsam.

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  5. very nicely done...the repetition give it a haunting quality...fits so well with the topic you chose..

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  6. Nice, moody images, I like the way you portrayed the subject's sadness and despair.

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  7. The emotion and mood of the theme well matched to the form

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  8. hey i remember this one...smiles....great to see you though, welcome back....it is rather enchanting even on another read...you set the mood well with the storm....felt

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  9. So this is how you write one of these. Great job. Loved the voice and the title taken both literal and figurative. Nice line work too!

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  10. I like the form...specially these lines:

    dreams that led her to the slaughter,
    lulled by sorrow, drown them all.

    Thanks for sharing~

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  11. This opened very quietly, then quickly turned into a dark, foreboding poem. The repeated lines become haunting refrains that carry the atmosphere through to the denouement.

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  12. End very strong here - oblivion held no clemency! Oh dear! (Bad for someone like me.) k.

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  13. You had me at "she woke up naked by the sea." I'm just learning about pantoums and they keep getting better and better! Well done. You leave me wanting more... :)

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  14. A good effort with a tricky form. I missed the cut by two hours. Unfortunately and had to post solo. Only just realised that Mr Linky had a cut. :-(

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