(This is my attempt at Staccato form poetry for dversepoets.com
I only was able to complete the first stanza. I decided to post it anyway. This was not an easy form for me, but I'm always willing to try new ideas.)
Silence the Voices
Silence the voices, uproarious crowd,
shout to be heard, I abhor noise this loud.
Be still! Be still! Quiet the din,
whispered through the glorious wind.
Sent the crowds home early, dispersed, dismissed.
Be still! Breathe in silent, soft morning mist.
Like how you pushed oht the inner rhymes in the first 2 lines to the end and ended up with a traditional rhyming poem. Nice variation on the form!
ReplyDeleteOops -- meant "out" for "oht" -- ouch!
ReplyDeleteI love that you're not stuck with only one form of poetry style and willing to grow. I know so many poets that live, breathe and die the same rhythm over and over again.
ReplyDeleteAn admirable first stanza - true to all the elements of the form as well as I can tell; give yourself a little time and write another. I believe the minimum requirement was two and I found that plenty difficult.
ReplyDeleteThe poem is a good one. Not only to quiet the external noise, but the interior as well. Shut down, free up, go deep without inner voices, hear nothing and the mind will open as fully developed rose.
Thank you.
You have the beginning of a strong staccato poem, making a statement that can continue into subsequent stanzas. Consider shifting to a call for peace and round out the entire poem. Your internal rhyme is wonderful as are your end rhymes. I'm so glad you stepped up and tried something new. It is never easy. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteBeth
very beautiful
ReplyDeleteIts always fun and equally tedious to try new forms of writing. I still struggle with haikus. But this was an awesome attempt. Keep it up. I would really like to read the finished work. :)
ReplyDelete