wind howling, concrete morning
wind howling
concrete morning
pushed from sleep
jar of dreams
collected, sifted
bellowing smoke
ashen concrete
tepid coffee
weak in the knees
trying to fight sleep
on subway cars
stay awake
pushing dreams
and the urge
to stay upright
fresh graffiti
seated beside me
strange markings
primitive art
from underground tribes
marking territory
drumming rhythms
clackety-clack, clackety-clack
in distant tunnels
pushing dreams
down my throat
clackety-clack, clackety-clack
forced to look
through the darkness
what is seen and unseen
clackety-clack, clackety-clack
unreal, unkempt
disheveled, unknown
clackety-clack, clackety-clack
mechanized blood
speeding through man-made veins
clackety-clack, clackety-clack
we are mere illusions, illusive
ego-driven, driven crazy
clackety-clack, clackety-clack
dreams kick in
pushed from sleep
sitting on subway cars
fighting the urge
to stay upright
sipping tepid coffee
wind howling
concrete morning
(Posted for open link night at dversepoets.com)
hot write...love all the texture to it...concrete morning is a nice turn of phrase...love the use of sound...the graffiti, primitive markings...smiles...felt like i was back in the city for a moment...
ReplyDeletei remember this one...much enjoyed...once more...
DeleteYou had me right there with you in that subway. Your blog is quite beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI can feel you there...Nice form of beginning, then coming back to it towards the end. I specially like "concrete morning" and the sounds clackety clack...very nice ~
ReplyDeletewe are mere illusions, love this! the pace, the tempo, just churning along like the subway car. great!
ReplyDeleteha this is really cool...i feel like i'm with you on that ride..clackety-clack, clackety-clack... like the inclusion of sound..the graffiti..the marking territory..the drumming rhythm...very cool write
ReplyDeletewow--you really captured all the senses and the scene. Fantastic!
ReplyDeleteA lot of wonderful images and observations. Especially liked
ReplyDelete'...fresh graffiti
seated beside me
strange markings
primitive art
from underground tribes"
You captured the start of a day in the city so well. Perfect final line! Enjoyed reading this.
I felt this build and reach crescendo, then drift back to the reality of what just is!
ReplyDeleteConcrete morning...how creative...life is a train rattling on the tracks...the view is not always the best...great job!
ReplyDeleteMy eyes wandered with yours; I was there.
ReplyDeleteGotta love how this winds backnin on itself, repeating what is most usually the regimen and routine of the subway experience. I think you've very nicely used repetition thruout the powpem and the rhythms this creates when read are very effective.
ReplyDeleteVery vivid write! I felt like i was there, gently nudging each time you'd start to nod off. Love this one!
ReplyDeletehttp://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/ah-the-aroma/
nice..primitive art
ReplyDeletefrom underground tribes
marking territory
drumming rhythms...love this... just lately i read an article about teens marking their territory by playing loud music..think we all do in a way..ha..love the rhythm in this as well..
why fight the urge. sleeping on the subway is a good way to NOT waste transportation time. can't do that when you are stuck driving!!
ReplyDeletealive on subway senryu